Things I Like

I recently saw a friend post a long list of things he liked. This friend typically complains or is upset in his posts, so it was nice to see something different. But most importantly, I learned more about him in that short list than in the years I had known him.

So, in ode to my friend, here's a list of things I like:

I like warm rains in Chicago. I like the wind. I like long walks in fresh air. I like text messages. I like laughing. I like it when I work really hard at something and am recognized for it. I like sports. I like sitting next to a field and watching random people play a game on a nice afternoon. I like fishing. I like reading. I love Lake Powell. I like water. I like lazy Sunday mornings where you can play oldies on the radio and dance in the kitchen. I like taking risks. I like hiking. I like being alone. I like the feeling when airplanes take off and land, and even when there's turbulence (otherwise flights are boring as hell). I like people-watching on the train. I like to screen calls—it makes me feel important. I like planning, even for things that will never happen. I like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram (Pinterest is still growing on me). I like it when my boyfriend says the full "I love you" rather than just "love you."(Speaking of the bf, I just screened his call. Ha!) I like freaking out sometimes because it means that I care. I like my family. I like my friends. I like shopping for workout clothes. I like pedicures. I like cars. I like motorcycles. I like my bicycle. I like the color green. I like my eyes.

I could go on and on, but that's a good list for now. This little exercise has made me smile, and I like smiling to myself.

I also like snowflakes. Tiffany's anyone?

Long-distance relationship

Andrew and I

My boyfriend is great. He is so good to me. He texts me in the morning and says I'm beautiful and gorgeous. He calls me every day, often after work and then again before bed. He's not afraid to say "I love you" on the phone even when surrounded by his soccer buddies. (That freaks me out more than him.)

But there are a few times when he calls that I don't pick up. I don't want to talk. Talking just makes our dysfunctional relationship a reality. It's easier to hide behind texts. We've been dating for almost a year and a half, but only six weeks of that have we lived in the same state.

I don't want to talk because it tells me the obvious---that I don't know anything.

Sometimes, when he calls...

• I don't want to go through the obligatory, "How was your day?" question and answer session
• I don't want to go through the awkward silences as we're both doing something else while on the phone
• I don't want to have to ask, "What? What??" when I can't hear him because a bus is driving by or I'm witnessing a car accident while walking home
• I don't want him to repeatedly say, "I've gotta go, can I call you back?" because he's working his second job or going to class

But more importantly,

• I don't know when I'll see him again
• I don't know his daily routines
• I don't know what makes his eyes light up on a low-key Sunday afternoon
• I don't know what he likes in his coffee or his favorite breakfast food
• I don't know his body language when it has been a good day or even an especially bad day
• I don't know his true hopes and dreams. You know, the ones that we keep well hidden and are revealed bit by bit over time
• I don't know if I can ever come back to Colorado and not cry (maybe if that happens, I'll be ready to move)
• I don't know the future for us

But despite all of this.... despite the difficulty of long-distance.... I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. And that's what it really comes down to.

So, for now, shhhhhhh. Let's not talk about it.