|Andrew and I|
But there are a few times when he calls that I don't pick up. I don't want to talk. Talking just makes our dysfunctional relationship a reality. It's easier to hide behind texts. We've been dating for almost a year and a half, but only six weeks of that have we lived in the same state.
I don't want to talk because it tells me the obvious---that I don't know anything.
Sometimes, when he calls...
- I don't want to go through the obligatory, "How was your day?" question and answer session
- I don't want to go through the awkward silences as we're both doing something else while on the phone
- I don't want to have to ask, "What? What??" when I can't hear him because a bus is driving by or I'm witnessing a car accident while walking home
- I don't want him to repeatedly say, "I've gotta go, can I call you back?" because he's working his second job or going to class
- I don't know when I'll see him again
- I don't know his daily routines
- I don't know what makes his eyes light up on a low-key Sunday afternoon
- I don't know what he likes in his coffee or his favorite breakfast food
- I don't know his body language when it has been a good day or even an especially bad day
- I don't know his true hopes and dreams. You know, the ones that we keep well hidden and are revealed bit by bit over time
- I don't know if I can ever come back to Colorado and not cry (maybe if that happens, I'll be ready to move)
- I don't know the future for us
So, for now, shhhhhhh. Let's not talk about it.